An Update On My Journey So Far

It’s been 15 years since I scripted my first website, 1.5 years since I started coding, and 6 months since I’ve completed Hackbright. Since Hackbright I have taken some time off, been job searching, and been busying my time with projects while trying to find balance in my life. I knew the job search would be tough, but I wasn’t ready for just how rough it has been. There have been really high highs and really low lows, and I think anyone attempting to switch careers into software engineering should be aware of the length of time it takes as well as the unfortunate biases that many of us face without “proper credentials”. I’m not trying to be negative, but I think for the sake of everyone considering a career change it’s reasonable to be realistic about expectations.

Last weekend, I went on a 123-mile bicycle ride with the Buddhist Bicycle Pilgimage. (I am not Buddhist by any means, but I do consider myself spiritual.) I had done this ride back in 2012 and liked it enough to come back years later after not having biked in a long time. I realized that this past year has been incredibly challenging mentally and emotionally, and I’ve been trying to find ways to regain balance in my life while pushing forward into my new career. I choice to ride on this ride partly as a reminder and partly as a journey to find that balance and I spent most of my time on the bike last weekend reflecting back on what I’ve learned so far and how far I’ve come.


Reflections

Passion itself is not everything. I thought passion would be important, but there’s a good amount of proving yourself that is needed (especially in this industry, and especially in the competitive tech environment in the SF Bay Area). On the other hand, I’ve had people point out that they’re happy to see how driven I am. It’s really the only thing keeping me strong while navigating this forest.

The majority of people I’ve met through networking or interviews are awesome. I’ve met some amazing engineers who love to hear my story, are willing to mentor me, and encourage me. Despite the stereotype that engineers are socially awkward, blah blah blah - I haven’t really encountered this much. Most of the engineers or growing engineers I’ve met are fun to talk to and have an interesting story. There is, however, still a strong percentage that are not quite as welcoming or warming. I’ve had some individuals, during my onsite interviews, tap their fingers loudly as I’m trying to whiteboard, stare at me with emotionless, judgemental expressions, interrupt me and rudely tell me that I’m doing things the wrong way, or just tell me they don’t think I have what it takes to be an engineer. I don’t know if all of those individuals realize the way their treatment or impatience impact my ability to interview, but I do. Hell, I’ve even had some of my own friends doubt me. I interview best when I feel a bit of warmth from my interviewers or when I know they want to see me succeed. Those contrasting times have made me more nervous and really dishearted after leaving. If you’re an engineer, please don’t do those things, especially to someone whom you know is a junior engineer. We’re really trying here and those things you do just make us feel like shit.

I’m not free of guilt here. I’ve interviewed once before at a previous company I worked at. It wasn’t for a technical role, but I remember having acted cold or uncaring about the candidates I’ve interviewed. I learned this from the way people interviewed me, and I thought I had to fit into that persona in order to be a fair and neutral interviewer. What the fuck was I thinking? I was young and pretty stupid at the time. Also, companies should train their employees how to interview.

Something I’ve learned from the above is that I think some people have lost touch with humanity and what it means to start out in something new. You don’t get annoyed or angry at a child because they can’t ride a 2-wheel bicycle until they are able to ride it. The right answer: You help them and encourage them until they can do it. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t say that I am the mental/physical equivalent of a child, but most of us in our adult life don’t completely switch gears into learning something entirely foreign to them and rely on it as something they intend to be successful with. This whole process that I’ve been going through in my career switch so far has taught me what it’s like to learn again, how to have patience, and how to be empathetic. It’s taught me how to overlook my imposter syndrome (to some extent), how to persevere, and how to pick myself up again over and over after each disappointment. It’s not been easy at all.

There have been times in this job search process that I really questioned what I was doing with my life and for what purpose. I left a stable career behind and a fairly decent job and as I head deeper and deeper into financial distress, I can’t say I didn’t ever fantasize about returning to my previous career. I had also received my first engineering job offer from a company I interviewed with earlier in the year in New Zealand. New Zealand is a dream that given current life circumstances could not be fulfilled. (BTW if you’re looking to work with an amazing team in New Zealand, check out Wipster.) The combination of giving up my first offer and last comfortable career often circle my mind, as “could haves”. It’s extremely difficult to process this thought, wondering about my potential alternate reality and where I could be instead. I’m working probably the hardest I’ve ever worked in my life. Depression is a real thing. The worst part of this whole process is that I know I am capable and smart enough, and I just need someone to give me a chance.

I’ve thought about all this quite a bit while meditating on my bike last weekend, and I came away with one word: compassion. We should aim to be more compassionate toward one another. Despite the rough experience I’ve had so far, what is really exciting for me is the thought of getting my first paying job as an engineer and eventually becoming established in the field. From the hardships I’ve learned in this process, I’m so so excited for the day I get to mentor a junior engineer, career switcher, or lady/underrepresented engineer who is as excited to learn and grow as I am. I’ve decided that, as much as I can in my power, I will not be a jerk during interviews and I will be as compassionate and supportive as I can to help someone else in their career. Be kind… because that’s just how everyone should be in this world.

Aside from what I’m excited about for the future, I do think I’m 1000% better as an engineer than when I first started. I’ve broken through tough points that I thought weren’t possible to overcome when first facing them. I’ve created a side project and volunteered my time to others’, and made my first (incredibly scary/exciting) push(es) to production on other public/private sources of code besides my own. I’ve been teaching myself new topics constantly, and there’s no end in sight - which I’m incredibly excited about. I’m looking forward to getting to a point of flow in my growing career. I am an engineer, I want to work alongside those that share my passion and energy, and I’m ready to build things together.